Three years ago in May, I boarded a plane in Atlanta, Georgia along with my one-year-old, bound for Cedar Falls, Iowa. After chronicling (click here for a good laugh) my last days in Georgia in an extended-stay hotel, I set out for a new horizon with a nervous but hopeful sort of anxiety. My husband, Matt, had just received a job promotion in a far off place (anywhere outside of Georgia and the Carolinas was a far off place to me). The housing market had crashed around us in the neighborhood where we had built our home in Georgia and we had taken a big financial loss. My daughter had just graduated from high school two days before and we were leaving her behind to start college in Georgia. Our hearts were heavy but indeed we had to let her find her own way for a while. When I arrived at the airport inbound from Georgia, I jumped in the car to make the drive to Cedar Falls. It was an unusually warm day for May (in the mid 80's) and the first thing I noticed was the great big sky. It was the bluest blue I had ever seen. The grass was lush and green and I knew I had arrived when I passed several haulers on the highway carrying John Deere tractors. There were red barns and farmers in the fields planting their Spring crops. It was windy. Like, really really windy. Is this heaven? What will this new place be like?
It was 2003, 10 years ago in Georgia, after two failed marriages, two small children, another failed relationship and a life of sin that I got down on my knees one night and prayed, "Lord come quick!" I usually relied on Him in my darkest moments but never took the time to thank Him and spend time with Him on an intentional basis during the in-between times (total disobedience). I was clearly at my weakest. On my knees, I said, "God, I can't do this on my own anymore. I need to know You have a plan for my life." It wasn't until I fully and humbly submitted to Him that night, that my life finally started to change. I guess I had always thought that if I didn't acknowledge that there was an enemy, then it must mean he wasn't real. Oh, he is real alright. He had been preventing me from hearing God's voice. Three weeks later, Matt showed up!
Now, this man was younger than me (26 at the time - I was within weeks of turning 30), he was educated, he was successful, he owned his own house and he clearly valued his health and well-being; something I had been neglecting for years. What did I have to offer this man, I thought? The enemy had had a foothold in my life for so long that the urge to give in to his fate for me was still strong and the thought lingered around in every corner of my mind. In fact, I attempted many times to sabotage my new relationship with Matt just knowing that he would ultimately leave me disappointed too. I ran hard in the other direction for several months still thinking that I wasn't deserving of this life. Who wants to take on the baggage of two ex-husbands and become an instant dad at age 26? What will his family think of me? Surely, he deserves so much better; someone more like him. The decision to get married and start a life together was a long and thoughtful one - three years, in fact. Could I really do this again? He wanted children. Could I really have another child and risk becoming a single mom of three children with three last names? The fear of being judged was gripping me. Let's be real. I would judge too. Doubters attacked us from every direction. Enter - Matt's story - and a nudging from God to the both of us that this was indeed The Plan.
It was 100% a leap of faith.
Little did we know just how much our marriage would be tested over the years. We got pregnant the same year we were married and our family went from 4 to 5 the next year.
Flash forward to today, May 3rd, 2013. If you would have told me 10 years ago or even 3 and a half years ago that I would be living and raising my family in Iowa, I would have called you crazy for rambling such nonsense. To leave the only home I had ever known? No way. To trade in the ocean and mountains for the landlocked cornfields of Iowa? Nonsense. What I can tell you now, reflecting back, is it was all just another part of The Master Plan. It took a few small steps and a couple of giant leaps of faith to bring us to this point. There are days like this snowy, wet, windy day in May, that I wish I could be back by the ocean of the Carolinas. A day like today, stretches my faith again and I am reminded that I have to fully trust that He has us here for a reason. Matt and I have both recently acknowledged and verbally affirmed that we were not growing where we were in Georgia. Little did we know that by saying "yes" to Iowa, our marriage and our faith would be tested but yet blessed beyond belief. God is still molding us and refining us but I am so excited about what's in store for us.
My joy and abundance have increased immeasurably year after year since moving to Iowa - and so has my sense of purpose. We have all three children living here with us and thriving. God has also sent many friends to bless us along the way and for that we are so very very thankful. He has blessed us with a wonderful church family and opportunities for us to grow together and to take more steps toward Him. Let me not forget to thank God daily for the life He has given me. I don't know how long He has us here but I know that I will trust His plan for us. I am thankful that the more communion I spend with God, the more clearly I am able to hear His voice. I know that trials will come. None of us are immune. But, He has brought me to a place of clarity. No more doing it my way. I am no longer afraid.
Today, I just wanted to share my story. There are so many new people in my life. Maybe you read my Facebook posts and wonder where my bold faith comes from. The truth is that light and dark cannot occupy the same space. This is a testimony that if you humbly and fully choose God, His light will drown out the darkness and good things will come. It is in full obedience to Him, that real change will happen. Everyone has a story. This is mine.
Link to a blog entry from the Summer of 2010 - shortly after we moved in May of 2010.
This is good stuff and fun to go back and read. The images and thoughts that come to my mind today about Iowa still match up with what I recorded that very first summer.
