A New Beginning

Well, here I am a year after my move from Georgia and I can honestly say the time has flown by (well, maybe not the winter months). But that has all faded now that the BIG blue Iowa sky has opened up to billowy white clouds and streaming rays of sunshine giving way to the constant breeze that reminds me of being on the east coast. This time of year is beautiful here and filled with so many possibilities. I have found so much joy in great abundance here in Iowa. I know I've said this before but there is no doubt that God brought me and my family to this place for a very good reason. I have so much joy that I almost wait for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. Can I really enjoy life this much? The answer is yes. Why? Well, because God has given me a new beginning.

Take this passage from Joel Osteen’s book Your Best Life Begins Each Morning. On page 184, he reminds us about new beginnings in Psalm 16:11

You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

His Devotion for this day reads:

“Friends, God is BIGGER than your past, your disappointments, and your problems. You may have made a lot of mistakes, but God can turn those things all around. People may have hurt you and done you wrong, but if you’ll leave it up to God, He’ll pay you back. He’ll make your wrongs right. Start focusing on your possibilities. Let hope fill your heart.

No matter what you’ve been through, God is saying there are great days ahead for you. Say to yourself, “I’m not going to be a prisoner of my past. I’ve had enough. I’m going to stop focusing on my disappointments. I’m moving on with my life, knowing that God has good things in store.” If you’ll develop that kind of attitude, God will give you a new beginning.

Friends, I cannot tell you how true this is. For me, this move has been all about attitude. It doesn’t have to be something as big as a move across 4 states though. It can be any type of change large or small. It’s the attitude of finding joy and keeping the faith. It’s a choice. You have to get involved. There are good things in store for you.

Recently, I was asked by a special group of people that I deeply respect to be a contributor for a Mommy Blog that will keep my mom’s group connected during the summer. Finding my church and renewing my faith has opened so many doors for me to share in "community" and "do" life with others. What an honor and a privilege to be able to speak of my experiences as a mom to help others. I plan to contribute my first blog this week. Here is my rough draft. Moms, enjoy!
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Moms,

As the school year comes to an end there is such a sense of relief! Well, for some us anyway. No more homework, book reports, projects due, late night runs to Walmart for cupcakes for school the next morning. Finally a break from dance lessons, sports and strict schedules. For others of us, there is a sense of “Oh no! No more schedules!” Your school age kids are HOME for the summer (as if your preschoolers weren’t already enough to entertain all day). I’m not sure about you but I have mixed feelings about summer home with ALL the kids. I’m thinking it will be nice not to have to grapple with my 11 year old to take a shower every morning and maybe there will be a little less eye rolling because we won’t be yelling at him to stop stalling and stay focused on his homework at night. But then, I’m thinking about how he loves to push the buttons of his 3 year old little brother just because he can. Even though there are eight years between them, when they are home together at the same time it’s like an instant explosion! They feel like they MUST be physical with one another, rolling around like bear cubs on the floor, pulling off sofa cushions and running through the house like wild Indians. Then there are those Nerf guns, ALL OVER the house with those foam bullets constantly flying past my head sticking to windows and walls. Long gone are the days when my little girl (who is now a big girl at age 19) played sweetly in the corner entertaining herself with her Barbie dolls or wrapping up her little kittens in blankets and pushing them around in her little doll stroller playing “mother” for hours. Sigh… So, it’s time to TAKE IT OUTSIDE boys! Now that spring has sprung and summer is just around the corner, there are so many ways to make the best of your time home with the kids.

Just a few days ago my 3 year old and I sat in patio chairs outside and talked about bugs. He remembered that he had received a little bug jar with a magnifying glass for Easter and quickly ran in to find it. With high intensity, the search was on. We talked about bugs for an hour. Oh the wonder in a little person’s eyes. I can say this now because I worked outside the home with both of my other children. You DO NOT want to miss these sweet little opportunities to experience life through their eyes. Listen up! My daughter graduated from high school last year and is now in college. Sniff! Sniff! Where did the time go?

Try not to hurry past God’s creations today. Simple activities can be spiritual experiences for you and your children. God wants you to approach life like an innocent child with no barriers. Let your guard down, moms. Find joy in these experiences before your little ones grow up and learn to bridle their laughter and stifle their expressions. You might even learn a little something about yourself. Be thankful that God chose you to be their mommy and let peace rule.

Here are some fun things for the little ones and some for the big kids too. Keep in mind, I’m not suggesting that you go out and spend money. Some of these items you already have lying around your house.

• Bird watching (with feeders) - There is a book at the bookstore called Birds of Iowa Field Guide by: Stan Tekiela. The pages are color tab coded according to the color of the bird you see. When you see a Robin, flip to the orange page and learn about what they like to eat, where they build their nests and what their eggs look like).

• Catching bugs in a jar – count their legs, talk about their colors

• Toddler sprinkler – Use a gallon milk jug, poke holes in the bottom and let your kids help you water the flowers and grass. Talk about nature with them.

• Bigger kids - Target Practice! Instead of shooting each other, take those Nerf guns outside. Get 5 or 6 empty plastic soda bottles or water bottles, fill them with just a little water to weigh them down, place a ping pong ball on top and let them go at it with the Nerf gun or with water guns.

• Frogs In the grass - Hide those little sticky frogs or snakes that come in those little packages (I know I have these all over the house including the ceiling) in the grass and have a hunt. The winner gets to choose what the others eat for snack time.

• Kid’s car wash - Set up a small container (plastic bowl) with water and soap (CAUTION – no large buckets of water without close supervision or drowning could occur) Have your kids wash their toys. Big kids can wash bikes or better yet, wash YOUR car! What kid doesn’t like water and bubbles?

A happy heart makes the face cheerful…the cheerful heart has a continual feast.

~PROVERBS 15:13,15

Choose to have a happy heart today.

With love,
Dana Moersfelder

Dear Lord,

It's such a hectic day,

With little time to stop and pray,

For Life's been anything but calm,

Since You called me to be a Mom,

Running errands, matching socks,

Building dreams with matching blocks,

Cooking, cleaning, finding shoes,

And other stuff that children lose,

Fitting lids on bottled bugs,

Wiping tears and giving hugs,

A stack of last week's mail to read,

So where's the quiet time I need?

Yet, when I steal a moment, Lord,

Just at the sink or ironing board,

To ask the blessings of Your grace,

I see them, in my small one's face,

That you have blessed me

All the while --

And I stoop to kiss

That precious smile.

~ Author Unknown ~



Bridgette - Age 2



And tell me again how and when we went from this...to this? Sniff! Sniff!



For The Love of You, I'm a Sky On Fire!

Most of you who know me well, know that I care about global issues tremendously. There are so many people suffering in the world. It is important to understand that global suffering affects us very much here at home. Shall we take a moment to think outside of the two square feet we occupy?  Shall we think outside of our own families for a moment? We are all so busy living the American Dream and building our own empires that we forget about those around us who are suffering. Things that are happening locally and globally have a trickle down effect. If you have items that you would normally donate to Goodwill or Salvation Army, why not think about a local organization that involves helping single moms in tough situations trying to provide for their children. Open the phone book. Do some research on the internet. Think outside the box and not just about what is "convenient". Here in my city, we have a home called the House of Hope. This organization needs furniture, household goods, baby clothes, kid's clothes, women's clothes and so much more. I have no doubt there is something similar in your town.

http://houseofhopeccd.org/getinvolved.htm

Right now we are seeing the crisis in Libya affect us greatly in rising oil prices. There is so much suffering from those who just want to be FREE like us. There is also NO doubt the US will be affected economically because of the earthquakes and Tsunami in Japan. Do some research. Learn how we are affected here. It is important. I continue to be amazed at the poise of the Japanese people as a nation. They are so calm while waiting in line for food supplies and other neccesities. We here in the US have such a sense of entitlement that we would be having an all out civil meltdown fighting each other to be the first to receive. What can we learn from a nation like Japan and it's people?

Psalms 41

Blessed is he that considereth the poor: the LORD will deliver him in time of trouble.

Luke 6:38

Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

Here is an easy way to get involved and give. I love the organization - Samaratian's Purse. For Christmas, I packed a box from each of my children for their program "Operation Christmas Child". It was so much fun shopping for each age group. I called my daughter who was living back in Georgia at the time and she chose a little girl to buy for. She told me all of the specific items to buy.

I sent a picture of my daughter along with our address just in case the person who received it wanted to write back. We found out our boxes went to children in India. How awesome! This organization is now sending aid to the crisis in Libya and those who are recently stricken from the earthquakes in Japan. Here is how to give:

http://www.samaritanspurse.org/index.php/Who_We_Are/About_Us

A Divine Appointment

I just posted a blog two days ago about struggling with forgiveness in my life the last few weeks. How divine that today's message at church was about...of all things...Forgiveness. How divine is He who makes no mistake when placing you right where you need to be, right at the very moment you need it. Here's what I learned. I'm hoping that by writing it down and sharing it with others it will help me hold myself accountable.

Why do we hoard Forgiveness?

• Because we don't believe the gospel - meaning we don't truly believe the sacrifice that God made with his only son who died on the cross for our own forgiveness.
• We don't trust God
• We want power and control
• We are afraid to take the next first step.

Forgiveness is not:

• Forgetting
• Denying
• Waiting for an apology
• Ceasing to feel pain
• A one time event

Forgiveness is:

• A costly sacrifice

How to Forgive:

• Wish them well
• Pray for them
• Help them
• Do not retaliate even if they deserve it.

Forgiveness does not mean that you trust that person again.

Forgiveness doesn not mean accepting that person back into your life.

Matthew 6:9-13

Our Father who art in heaven,

Hallowed be thy name,

Thy kingdom come,

Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses,

as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil:

For thine is the kingdom,

and the power, and the glory,

forever. Amen.

Mathew 18:21 and 22

Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

“No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!

To watch more on this Message Series called "Hoarders" from Prairie Lakes Church online, please click below:

http://prairielakeschurch.org/media-center/default.aspx

February State of Mind

This one is going to be a rambler. I apologize. There is no structured thought process to this one, just feelings pouring out through my fingertips onto my keyboard.

Today, I’m feeling down. A series of events that have happened over the last couple of months since Thanksgiving/Christmas/New Year’s has me feeling blue. Ok…I’m depressed. I try not to complain and I always try to look at the positives but my feelings are what they are. I know it will pass but I’m being tested again and I know I have to draw upon my Faith to pull me through. Since September, through bible study and my mom’s group I’ve been learning how to be a better friend, how to be a better mother and how to be a better wife. Just when you think you’re really taking steps to grow and become a better person and better follower of Christ, the devil strikes! I know what I have to do. Sometimes it’s just so hard to do it, especially when it feels like a mountain to climb. Do I have the endurance? God help me.

Over the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, there were some confrontations with family members that sent me into orbit. Apparently, some family members have been harboring some feelings about me over the years that I didn’t know about. In usual American family fashion, it came out around the holidays. Go figure! The worst possible time because all I wanted to do was play board games around the table and watch the kids play with their new gifts. How simple minded of me. I wish I could “unhear” the things that I heard; things that were said not TO me but more so ABOUT me; things that they have felt about me for years and years. I wish I had not felt like I was on a different planet surrounded by aliens who were speaking a different language and stealing my joy. My beautiful world came crashing down on me in those moments. I'm a deeply introspective person. I'm aware of my short-comings, my strengths and my weaknesses but boy was I in the dark on this one.

So today, it suddenly came to me after weeks of stress and a mountain of events over the last week in particular, including my first Iowa winter blizzard, kids home from school for several days in a row, husband out of the country and a stay in the hospital alone with gall stones, that… I am in the grieving process. I've been so hurt for the last few weeks and now I’m angry. It’s just now making sense that I am grieving the loss of a relationship. Relationships that I thought were true and loving with several family members are now gone. I struggle to find the lesson in this situation. I pray that it will be revealed. I do know that my husband and I are stronger because of it. We are a team and a force to be reckoned with. There is nothing like finding your husband come to your defense and come to your rescue when you need him the most. My husband always takes the high road. He's not naive but makes a deliberate decision to be different. I wish I was more like him. God planned him for me and it’s a revelation that has taken a long time for a doubter like me to see. Thank you, God for loving me through him. What God has planned is a strong force and will always overcome the devil’s plans for your demise. For my praying friends…please pray that God’s plan continue to be revealed to me during this time.  I’m at an icky place right now. I’m not ready yet to move on but, I don’t want to stay where I am either. I saw an episode on Oprah two days ago and heard her say that “Forgiveness means letting go of the hope that the past can be changed.” This was a perspective that I had not thought about before. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily mean accepting that person back into your life again. But, it is neccesary to forgive.

One of my favorite prayers that I remember from childhood is the Serenity Prayer. My mom had a plaque hanging in our living room (in the 70’s) with that prayer and it confronted me every day as a child.

God grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and the wisdom to know the difference.

This passage from Proverbs 3:5,6 also comes to mind...

Trust in the LORD with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge Him,

and He will direct your paths.

I’ve had a LeAnn Rimes song playing on my song player at the very bottom of this blog for months now. It really hit me how much the lyrics apply to my current state of mind. Just to clarify, these particular events were not about my mother or my father.

"What I Cannot Change" by LeAnn Rimes

I know what makes me comfortable
I know what makes me tick
And when I need to get my way I know how to pour it on thick
Cream and sugar in my coffee
Right away when I awake
I face the day and pray to God I won't make the same mistakes
Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

I don't know my father
Or my mother well enough
Seems like every time we talk we can't get past the little stuff
The pain is self inflicted
I know it's not good for my health
But it's easier to please the world than it is to please myself
Oh the rest is out of my hands

I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Right now I can't care about how everyone else will feel
I have enough hurt of my own to heal
I will learn to let go what I cannot change
I will learn to forgive what I cannot change
I will learn to love what I cannot change
But I will change, I will change
Whatever I, whenever I can

Girl Talk!

Wow, what a year 2010 was! For me, it was a year of change and a year of growth. As I look out at the 2 feet of snow piled in our front yard, I ponder over so many thoughts including where I was a year ago. Who would have thought this Southern girl who always runs around barefoot would be so excited to receive four pairs of cashmere blend socks for Christmas and three new scarves. It’s been almost a year since I came to this place called Cedar Falls, Iowa for the first time. While my husband was interviewing for the job back in February a year ago, I was moved to get out of the hotel room, taking full advantage of the rental car to get out and see this place. As I was driving around every square block in town and exploring every possible house in our price range, I was wondering… Could this be the next place I call home? You see, I’ve moved around a lot in my 37 years. Not from town to town as much as just moving from house to house. Many of those were NOT by my choice but were changes that were necessary. This was going to be a choice. I knew I had to come at this new opportunity with every ounce of positive energy I could muster. Some people would say I’m overly optimistic about everything. I say, Negative Nancy’s…stay away! Attitude is everything.

It’s also been a year of “firsts” for me. I had my first taste of true Iowa sweet corn, it’s the first time my body has ever felt minus 5 degrees (actual temperature), my first white Christmas, my first college football tailgating experience (Midwest style), my first child graduated from high school and started college this year. It’s the first time I’ve felt the true and complete power of prayer and what it can do in my life and it’s also the first time I’ve ever signed up for and been a part of a bible study program.

What an experience this was for me. Our church calls this program The Grove and there were easily over 120 women from all over the Cedar Valley who came to choose one of the six different studies that were offered. The Grove is a place to gather together and grow which by the very definition is a grove. We were told on the first day to think of the multitude of women that we were as “evolving through the seasons of change”. We were reminded that “when the wind blows, we will stand together like a grove of trees.” Standing together will protect us each one.

So in September, after pondering and praying and praying and pondering I chose the study Girl Talk by Jen Hatmaker. It was a glaringly obvious choice for me because you see, along with all of the other “firsts” this past year, I felt for the first time, as far away as I had ever felt from my oldest child; not just geographically but also emotionally. She was 18 and had stayed back in Georgia last spring to go to college when we moved to Iowa. I have talked much about her in my previous blogs. This 10 week study was presented as the “modern girl’s” guide to bible study. As women, Jen explains, “We are relational by design. We long to communicate and share. Simply put, we are made to connect.” As women, we scream out to each other “Know me.” I knew that I had two very specific relationships in my life at the time that needed some reconciliation. Both different and both important but I wanted my friendship back with my only daughter. The purpose of the study was to “reclaim the purity of friendships among little girls, while training our hearts to discern safe relationships.” This was all about relationships and I needed help. It started out with the very real fact that men were made to be self-sufficient but that we as women need community. The author, Jen Hatmaker reminds us that “Godliness is not an individual journey.” “If it were, then who is all of that love for? What is all that service about? Who are we to be patient, gentle, and honest with?” She reminds us that “Who we are at any given moment will be determined by our relationships with those who love us or refuse to love us and with those we love or refuse to love.” The author, Jen, has a roll up your sleeves and dig in type of approach. She says in her book, that never has she met anyone who has detached himself or herself from God’s church and became better for it. She reminded me that the “All I need is Jesus” way of thinking is a “load of bull.” She says, “It is not possible to be a growing believer without joining your heart with other Christians.” So, there I was in my first bible study, ready to roll up my sleeves and dig in.

Over the next 10 weeks we learned about the lies we tell ourselves and the lies we tell God about why we don't get close to others. We learned about breaking the unhealthy habits of our parents and what we learned from them about how to deal with conflict. For some of us, we were imitating the very behaviors we hated while growing up. The author acknowledges that some of us have suffered terribly as little girls. She states in bold letters that, if you have been abandoned or verbally destroyed in the past, you need to seek Christian counseling. “Ignoring or denying childhood wounds will never help them heal. You’ll stay a wounded mom, a wounded wife and a wounded friend. God has ordained counselors with gifts of healing, and they can help you begin the process of restoration.”

Jen says, “God asks only for our love. Our belief in Him is evidenced by our choices.” She reminds us that “God knows when outward successes mask the emptiness inside. He sees past sins and terrible choices and looks straight into the soul. He understands the factors that have contributed to the women we are today – the disappointments, betrayals, and sins of others. Our polished façade does not fool Jesus.” She asks us in the study to “Dig in with reckless trust.” And that’s just what I did.

What I really loved about this study and about this book and author Jen Hatmaker is that she taught me how to pray and what to pray for at the end of each chapter. For me, praying for specific relationships and restoration of those relationships was important. We also learned about safe relationships and unsafe relationships. Oh boy, was it a bumpy ride! There was a lot of sharing. I could have told those women anything. I mean, I had just moved here in May and they didn’t really know me. But then that would have been irresponsible and I knew that God wanted for me to grow. So, I dug in.

We learned that there are several types of unsafe people. There are the ABANDONERS, the CRITICS and the IRRESPONSIBLES. The Abandoners (you know the ones) are the “fair weather” friends. The ones who are around in the good times but the moment your marriage is suffering or your kids are out of control, the abandoners check OUT. There are also the Critics. The Critics are judgmental, speak rashly and create little to no room for grace. Critics are all about the principle and condemnation but neglect the need for love, mercy or forgiveness. The Irresponsibles are super fun to be around but are not dependable. They are always late, always a mess, too unorganized and never standing by their word, and even more, they are totally unconcerned about how this affects you. The author, Jen reminds us that “unsafe people turn friendships into a train wreck.” She reminds us that smart believers evaluate their inner circles and make careful friend choices. She says quite frankly, “Jesus wouldn’t waste one day on a toxic relationship. Why would you?”

At the end of that particular chapter on safe and unsafe relationships, I was reminded to pray for discernment of my current friendships. Not only did I realize the toxic relationships I was involved in and unsafe people that weren’t going to help me grow but I was suddenly aware of the fact that I too, was being an unsafe and toxic friend. It became obvious, that I was being a Critic in one relationship and an Abandoner in another. I was being an Abandoner in my relationship with my 18 year old daughter. What? Wow, was that a bitter pill to swallow. Yikes! This was not a fun look at myself in the mirror. I read that Abandoners had often been abandoned themselves. We (Abandoners) don’t understand what faithful relationships look like. Well, this would be evidenced by my last two marriages. I’m now on my third (a truth that I am not proud of). This was going to be a journey to a new understanding about grace, mercy, commitment and faith. Digging in was sometimes very hard for me as I overflowed with revelations about my life and the Abandoner I have been to so many. The way I stay bitter and angry. The way I’m unable to function in crisis. You see, I was raised mostly by my mother and my step-father but it was my father who taught me that by misbehaving as a child and even as an adult meant that I was cut off, abandoned. I learned from him that a conflict or even a simple disagreement resulted in a withdrawal of love from him. That is EXACTLY and precisely what I was doing to my 18 year old daughter.

As a typical teenager during the summer after her senior year of high school, I saw my daughter making what I thought to be not-so-good choices with who she was hanging out, with her attitude about school, her job choices and so much more. She and I were head to head with our need to be in control. I was so far away from her geographically and she was surrounded by what I thought to be other unsafe friends who didn’t have her best interests in mind. That made me angry. She pulled further and further away. It made me feel helpless and out of control. I obviously was not leaning on God for guidance or putting my faith in His plan, but instead, I was walking away from her shaking my head in disbelief and throwing my arms up in rage. Jen Hatmaker brought it to my attention that, “when parents detach from a misbehaving child, instead of staying connected and dealing with the problem, God’s constant love is misrepresented.” “When parents pull away in hurt and disappointment, they are sending the message to their children that You’re loveable when you behave. You aren’t lovable when you don’t behave. The child translates that message as When I’m good, I am loved. When I’m bad, I’m cut off.” Let me be the one to tell you that you CAN break the chains of unhealthy relationship patterns that you learned while growing up. You must first acknowledge it. Your children are going to disappoint you, period. At some point in their lives, they are going to let you down. By throwing my hands up and walking away from her because we had a disagreement, by abandoning her because of her behavior and withdrawing my love from her, I was only pushing her closer to her other unsafe friends and therefore further away from what true mercy and grace is all about. In Romans 15:7 it states that we are to accept each other as Jesus accepted us. I was challenged to answer the question during this study, “If you really believed in God, what would you have to sacrifice?” Well, for me it was people knowing the truth. The truth is, I have been an Abandoner and a Critic. It’s horrible and it’s humiliating. But, it’s the truth. Jen Hatmaker, through this bible study, has shown me that “truth is the front door to the warm, inviting home of grace.” We can’t know the second without embracing the first. Thank God, we don’t have to be good to be loved.

From here on out, I want to be a safe friend. According to Jen’s book, safe friends draw us closer to others. Safe friends help us become the person that God created us to be. Safe friends draw us closer to God. They influence us toward good works, encourage our development and are not threatened by our successes. They are not disgusted by our failings nor threatened by our other relationships. We are encouraged with these safe friends to give our time, give grace, serve together and laugh together. And most of all, tell them often what blessings they are in our lives.

In the hymn Count Your Blessings it says: Count your blessings, name them one by one; Count your blessings, see what God hath done; Well, I have a few of those safe friends I want to thank for taking me as I am, encouraging me, influencing me and laughing with me when there is a need for a sense of humor. To my mom Janis, my mother-in-law Pam, my unconditionally loving friend Staci C. who I’ve shared many years of pain, heartache, laughter, successes and failures with, starting in high school, to my childhood friend Tonia D. who was always there when I was in my young impressionable years and who has helped shape who I am today, my friend Milli G. who no matter how far away and how long it has been since we’ve seen each other, it’s like we never missed a moment. To my daughter Bridgette, as she matures and we grow together through lessons learned and the seasons of change that life brings. I’m so excited about our new friendship and where we are today. It’s a beautiful thing.

Oh the list goes on...

Not even the miles between us nor the years that have gone by without seeing each other could ever shake our friendship…

Mary Lynn B.
Brandy B.W.
April R.
Carrie W.
Carrie K.
Tanya H.
My sister-in-law Suzi

My cousin Jason Bracey - Thanks for always lending an ear and for checking in on me over the years.

Melody M. – This is our year to reconnect!

And to my brand new friends Sue H. Angie D. and LeAnn M.

A special thanks to Sarah and Jake A. for sharing in my pride and the love I have for my daughter and recognizing the amazing gifts I was given this past Christmas. God is good!

You ALL have been and continue to be great blessings in my life. Thanks for being safe friends!

I’ve met so many wonderful people since moving to Iowa (in my neighborhood and at church) and I can’t wait to cultivate those budding and safe friendships.

*Please note that all quotes (unless otherwise noted) in this blog are from the publication Girl Talk, by author Jen Hatmaker. 2007. Navpress. Colorado Springs, CO. For other works cited, please refer to pages 193 – 196 of the book Girl Talk which includes Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s publication on Safe People.

"Mom, I'm ok but..."

Two dreaded phone calls in just over a week from my 18 year old daughter who is going to college back in Georgia. The first, “Mom, I’m ok but…I’m in the hospital.”(with stomach pains that have been going on for a month). The second one a little more than a week later, “Mom, I’m ok but…I had a car accident.” What can I say? My worst fears come true? Well, not exactly. She is well and she is safe and there are a lot of people who care about her deeply who are taking care of her right now. Praise God for those things indeed!

Now, how do I reconcile the thoughts of all of this in my own head and these anxious feelings in my heart? I know this is all a part of the pangs of motherhood but how do I resist the urge to fly down there and scoop her up in my arms and bring her back to Iowa here with me? Especially when her text to me last night read “I love you Mommy.” She's still just a child. Some days I worry myself to the point of dysfunction but I pray constantly hoping that God has a bigger plan and that it will be revealed in the most timeliest fashion. Patience is NOT my virtue and the loss of control I feel is so difficult to come to terms with being 1,000 miles away here in Iowa; not to mention the guilt. I have no doubt that if we still lived in Georgia she would be living with us at home and going to school. You see, Georgia is where she wants to be right now. I can hardly blame her. She’s a tried and true Southern girl and the thought of being with her friends and experiencing some freedom definitely presented the elements of excitement and independence when she graduated high school in May. Boy, has all of that independence come at a cost though. It’s hard to explain to an 18 year old that her step-dad and I are not trying to control her life, but that she still needs our leadership for a few more years while in college. Believe me, we WANT her to become an independent and responsible adult who can stand on her own two feet and be a successful contribution to society. It’s not our intent to hold her down. We went back and forth before we moved trying to decide if we should give her no option and make her come with us to Iowa or let her spread her wings and branch out into the big bad scary world all alone with barely a safety net. I would never call her a failure because this is all a part of growing up but maybe her attempts have fallen a bit short. Certain things just have not fallen into place as I believe they should have by now and the hits keep coming. The school of hard knocks is a place that I remember all TOO well and have always hoped that none of my children would ever have to experience. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naïve. I know that I can’t protect my children from everything that comes their way. I mean, that would be detrimental to their development too. It always comes back to that delicate balance. Balance…again…always searching…always eluding.

So for now, I’ve decided that all I can do is just keep praying. I know that God’s hand is outstretched at all times waiting for us to reach up and grab His. I know that He will help us carry the load. I have to trust that He knows what He is doing here. I’m learning how to surrender to Him more and more but, boy do I want to kick and scream the whole way through! Where is the voice of reason here? I can’t hear it and I’m frustrated. So today I sit and drink my big bitter cup of patience hoping that it will get easier someday. I try to stay connected to Him and let His light lead the way; keeping the door open for my daughter and the light on…just in case she gets tired and wants to come home.

I just received some email from my mom this morning that reminded me that I am not alone. She found some poems and prayers taped to the inside of several of the many bibles that my grandmother owned throughout her life. Some of them so tattered and brown from rubbing her fingers across the words daily. My grandmother (Nanny) died in January of this year and my mom reminded me that she was a “Pray - er”. I know Nanny must have been there last night when my daughter Bridgette pulled out in front of that car and I feel her presence often reminding me that I’m not in control. I want my daughter here with me in Iowa; whether it’s part of the plan or not…or…whether it’s now or later. But, I know it’s not all about what I want. So here I am Lord, keeping vigil...waiting for your direction.

 

Two of Nanny's favorites:

Sometimes we feel so weary
As we go from day to day.
We wonder if we’ll make it.
Will we ever find our way?

But yet we keep on trudging
Down what seems an endless road.
And soon we hear God whisper,
“Take my hand I’ll share the load.”

And then all the many things
That we thought we could not do
Are soon so far behind us
As God helped to see us through.

It really is amazing
How the Lord doth understand
When we are weak and weary
And we reach to take His hand.

For He too once was weary
From a heavy load you see.
When He bore a world of sin
On the cross at Calvary.

He too knew of temptation,
Loneliness and deep despair,
Remember…in the garden
When He knelt alone in prayer?

He is a God of mercy
Thus filled with unending love,
Waiting to help His children,
Watching from heaven above.

~Mary E. Herrington~

Dear God, father of these Thy children and mine,
Mine for so short a time, always Thine….
Let them be fortified with knowledge, ideals and love…
Love for each other, love for their country
But still greater, a love for Thee.
They are weak, Father, afraid.
Life is new, filled with pitfalls and quicksands;
Help them…
Help them to walk steadfastly, heads high,
Proudly but not with too much pride, secure but without arrogance,
Knowingly, but with humility.
Let these, Thy children and mine
Attain happiness without the drags of bitterness
Let them, Lord always know how to smile
When things go wrong…
In their hearts always a song.
Let them meet defeat with courage
Choose at the crossroads with knowledge
Of right and wrong,
But choose wisely.
All these I ask, for them
But most of all
Love, tenderness and thoughtfulness
As only Thou Didst Teach us.

~Author Unknown~

Did you just say “church”? Stop…back away slowly. On second thought…RUN!

Ahhhh…here I am again in awestruck amazement. I continue to be lifted up by the outreach of love and support that my family and I have received from new friends and neighbors here in this place called Cedar Falls, Iowa. I have to tell you that I’ve never felt so much of a sense of community as I do here. People here are so quick to invite you in, to come see what they are all about and they want to know what YOU are all about as well. How refreshing! I’m continuously drawn toward that sense of well-being and balance that people seem to have around here. This place fits me well.

So, we’ve been going to a new church since we moved. Now, don’t get nervous and stop reading because I mentioned the word “church”. I know you…I AM you. Don’t get me wrong, I grew up in a very spiritual family who went to church every Sunday. I was also confirmed into the Methodist church when I was a child. I went to youth group on Wednesdays and church camp during the summers with friends. However, I moved to a new city when I was 12 and really never found another place where I felt like I belonged. As a teenager I was as far away from the church and religion as one could possibly be as most teenagers are. So, after becoming a teenage mom (go figure) I searched here and there for my daughter’s sake but never found a place that made me feel like home. Yes it was true, I didn’t want those hypocrites teaching my child something that I didn’t feel was true and authentic. They don’t know me. They don’t know my name. They don’t look me in the eye. I’m just another account added to their bank roll of the 2,000 people who are already there. I gave up, as many people do, and that was that. I didn’t need an organization to be a Christian. Plus, I had so many questions and felt such desperation and disbelief when I turned on the TV and the media was always focusing on those radicals and extremists who shook their bibles in the air and pointed their fingers at you. They seemed to interpret the bible in such a scary way that it made me want to run. So I thought… well I PRAY, I’m SPIRITUAL, I have FAITH and that’s all I need. End of story. Right?

Well, when our new friends and neighbors, Chris & LeAnn encouraged us to go with them one Sunday, I thought... well it’s a new town, a new scene, a fresh start, why not? Besides, I left my “past” 1,000 miles away back in Georgia. No one knows me here. Well let me just tell you, this was not my TRADITIONAL Methodist church where we had the Opening Hymn, The Worship Hymn, The Doxology and then The Closing Hymn. Oh no no no! This Call To Worship was unlike any other I had experienced before. This was an auditorium with a black curtain back drop and a wide open stage design with beautiful colored spotlights. There was a guitarist and a drummer, and a person standing behind a techno keyboard/digital sound stand that blurted out beautiful acoustics that were pleasing to my ear. There was even a smoke machine that filled the room to make it feel cool and inviting. Yes, this was a production! Where had I been all these years? So THIS is what people have been talking about! Well, you could have knocked me over with a feather. I LOVED IT!

Now, I’ll tell you that I’m definitely going to miss my traditional hymns. You know the ones you can sing by heart but you still feel the hymnal in your hands. But these NEW songs will become "traditional" for my boys and this makes me happy. To hear the words “I wanna go to church Mommy” come out of your 2 year old's mouth is so precious and endearing. And when you drop him off in the nursery and he comes home with a little paper crown that says "Child of God", it just makes hearts come out of your head. How about when you hear your 10 year old the next day singing a song about “God being his rock”. Why did I let my fears keep me away all these years? I feel sad for my now 18 year old who never truly experienced this and I sit and think of her every Sunday and wish she was here with me in Cedar Falls, Iowa at Prairie Lakes Church hearing the same message that I’m hearing. But, it gets even better. They post every sermon to their web page so I can share it with friends and family. How great is that? I’m so impressed by the modern technology that is being utilized here in this church. They keep with their message of Loving God, Loving People and Influencing the World using their technology. When you drop your kids off, you have to “check in” and get a sticker with your child’s name and a sticker for yourself with a corresponding number for safety and peace of mind. There is a café where you can purchase coffee and baked items and sit around and chat with your friends before and after the service. The bulletin only shows news and info about upcoming events and info on the current sermon series. There is no strict agenda. I get to wear jeans and flip flops and no one looks at me like I don’t belong. The pastor is on Facebook and Twitter. He blogs and influences people with his charismatic energy. He encourages you to reach out locally, nationally and globally to meet the needs of others. This is it! Now THIS is the way to get your point across my new Pastor friend! I want to listen to this! I want to come back again and again and hear more! Praise God for leading me here. I pray that I can return in service to others what this church is providing to me and my family.

For more information on the church itself, click on the Faithline link on the upper right to the PLC website.

http://prairielakeschurch.org/default.aspx

Wise guy!

So, with Fall coming and the whole "winds of change" thing, you know with school starting and schedules changing, I think it's time to make some changes with the sleeping arrangements around here. I know I can't be alone in this but I literally play musical beds every night.

It all started back in May when we had to stay in an extended stay hotel in Georgia for several weeks because we had sold our house. My husband was already working in Iowa and school was still in for the kids. Before that time, the baby loved his crib. That's where he preferred to be and it was easy. Take him to bed, turn off the light and shut the door. He went right to sleep every time. Well, that all changed in the hotel when he was in a new place, new surroundings and new noises. Ultimately, we all ended up in the king size bed together; me and both of the boys, for almost four weeks.

When we finally made the move to Iowa and everyone had a room and a bed, the baby decided that he didn't want to sleep in his crib anymore. He preferred a bed. So, it seemed easy enough. I would lay down with him at night in his room, in his queen size bed, he would go to sleep and we wouldn't here a peep out of him until morning. Yes! Success!

Well, then my 10 year old finally flew in from Georgia after staying there to visit with his dad a little over the summer, and, out of guilt, being that it was a new place, I would lay down with him at night. Yes, I know, he's 10! But my thinking was that he was sad because he had just left Georgia and all of his friends and his dad and well...you know the rest. That was July! It turns out, I was so tired from the day that I would end up falling asleep in his bed and wake up miserable. My husband was grumpy, I still had my contacts in, and I apparently didn't sleep soundly because my neck was hurting most mornings.

It gets better...or worse...depending on how you look at it. The baby got a cold over the summer and then started...yet a new sleep schedule. I would lay down with him first to get him to sleep. After he was asleep, I would go lay down with my 10 year old to get him to sleep. Then the baby would wake up because his nose was stuffy and he couldn't breathe. So, then I would go to his room and lay down. At some point the dogs must have figured out that I wasn't coming back to the master bed so they took over my spot and didn't budge when I urged them "off". Uggh! I ended up on the sofa just to hear the baby crying and calling my name again. Next thing you know, my 10 year old is awake with the light on and his glasses on watching cartoons at 3 AM. So I'm back in bed with him hoping he will get a few hours more sleep so he won't be crabby the next day. Meanwhile, I'm crabby and my husband...well my husband! These three boys are SO demanding! What does a girl do to make sure everyone is happy? I welcome your thoughts and comments. Please don't be too judgemental. It hurts my feelings...

So, this morning I get an email from my husband with a list of "Reminders" regarding our schedule for this week. Reminder #3 was - Our room is the one on the left at the top of the stairs ;)

Wise guy!

HOME SWEET IOWA - Part 1 - Summer in America's Heartland

So here I am, a Southern girl, moved to the Midwest. I can honestly say I have embraced it as I am seeing things through fresh eyes, like a child would see things for the very first time. When I arrived in Iowa on May 24th, 2010 not only did I notice that there were bugs as big as birds around here but my other thoughts were, it’s windy and it’s HOT! Am I still in Georgia? From what I understand, it’s been an unseasonably hot summer in Iowa. Well, let’s just hope it’s not an unseasonably COLD winter! I can honestly say, I’m not prepared. My body doesn’t know how to handle temperatures of twenty below with a wind chill that freezes your nose hairs and makes your eyeballs hurt.

So the one anxiety I had about leaving the South was being so far away from the Southeastern Atlantic coast and being so far away from the Blue Ridge and Smoky Mountains of North and South Carolina. These were places I adored and I felt a tremble in my heart just thinking about how far away I was going to be from these places that made the South “home” for me. But, this was my chance. This was my chance to explore new places, see new things and make memories for the boys that they would someday think of as “home”.

Most people ask “What’s in Iowa?” The answer was almost always, “corn”! In the airport I saw T-shirts that read, across the front, “Not Everything Is Flat in Iowa”. I laughed as I debated purchasing one along with one that read “What Happens in the Cornfield, Stays in the Cornfield”. Good stuff! I pictured flat roads and fields of corn, kind of like the scene in the movie Castaway where in the end, Tom Hanks arrives in the country to deliver the FedEx package to it's rightful owner and he is standing at the dusty, boring, flat crossroads. It is true that most of the roads are flat and they are all in squares so if you make enough right turns, you’ll end up right back where you started. However, I had arrived in late spring; so not only had the snow long been melted but everything was green, a green that you’ve never seen before. There were rolling hills of green as far as the eye could see. As I passed a sign that read “Joan’s Country Curls”, I noticed the sky seemed bigger here, and it too was a bluer shade of blue than I had ever seen. There were red barns with silos and tractors in the fields. It was windy, almost like being on the coast. That was exciting! I don't usually listen to country music but I felt an overwhelming urge to crank it loud with the windows down. This was much nicer than I had expected! My husband would often say the one thing he would miss about Georgia was the trees. Well, I have to say the trees are definitely different here and they aren’t as dense as in Georgia, but I love the WIDE open spaces. It gives you a feeling of freedom; freedom to roam with nothing in your way. This was going to be a great new adventure.

So after arriving at the new house and immediately hanging some pictures on the walls to make it feel more like mine, I headed out to my 4 seasons room. The first thing I noticed was that hardly anyone had a privacy fence around here. It was all open. Not only were there play sets in yards as far as you could see but one in three yards had vegetable gardens. Well, we most definitely couldn’t be the new snobby neighbors from Georgia to come in and put up a privacy fence. The neighbor next door had already been over with rice krispy treats and an invitation to let the kids play on their outdoor play set any time. Wow! That was impressive. Two days later more neighbors dropped by to pick us up and take us to the hoppin’ little ice cream shop that was locally owned and buzzing with people inside and out even at 8:30 PM on a Wednesday night. This was life I thought! I was born in a small town in NC but it was not like this one.

The next few weeks of summer brought many new discoveries. I kept hearing the saying that the corn would be “knee high by the 4th of July”. Well it was, and it was growing in perfectly neat and straight rows and ahead of schedule because of all of the rain. The sound of the sump pump in the basement was a new sound for me too. It was working overtime to keep the water out. Another was the sound of the storm sirens, wailing with the possibility of swirling clouds that mostly turned out to be just good old summer thunderstorms. The soybean fields grew tall too and swayed in the breeze like ocean waves rolling in to shore. There were small town festivals in the parks, farmer’s markets and parades; parades where the people were proud; proud of their heritage. There were pork princesses and beef princesses and tractors and American flags flying everywhere; draped across the railings of front porches on many homes along the parade routes. Small town bands playing in the park, Friday night high school football games, small town baseball games and long bike rides down the miles of nicely paved trails along creeks, with new flowers and trees and birds that I had never seen before. There were bonfires with s’mores on the weekend with neighbors, in the MIDDLE of the summer. It’s a thing around here! There were adventures to the local water park and late night cocktails on the deck under the wide open sky under the stars. There were no bright city lights to obstruct the view. The temperatures during the day in the mild mid 80's. In Iowa, there are parks on just about every block; green spaces and giant play equipment for the kids to romp around on and play and run free. There is sweet corn in pickup trucks for sale on every corner. The gas prices are lower because of the higher use of ethanol from the corn. There are windmills to power small towns. Nearly every person you meet is either wearing black and gold for support of the Hawkeyes or purple and gold for their hometown pride, the University of Northern Iowa Panthers. The kids actually play outside here. They play football and basketball and baseball. They make up games and use their imaginations. The sun comes up at 5 am and doesn’t go down until 9 pm.

As time has gone on, I have noticed that people are just friendly here; and not a fake friendly. People really want to know about you. They ask questions. They listen to the answers. They offer to help. They don’t seem like they are offering to receive anything in return. People around here seem to be looking for the same thing. Social statuses seem to disappear. People treat people more as equals. They are genuinely friendly people. Now I’m not naïve, I know there must be pockets of snobby people around here somewhere but I’ve been thinking; I had better step it up a notch. I tended to be withdrawn in Georgia maybe a tad anti-social at times depending on what the company was going to be, at any given gathering, function or event. That’s just the way it was there. I lived there most of my life and I never truly felt like I belonged although I have to say that I do call Georgia “home”. The people here though are active and keep the community active and involved. They realize the importance of education and focus on family life. This is a place where I think I can achieve true balance. I’ve met a great group of girls with kids who enjoy doing things together as a family but understand the importance of girl time without the kids too.

I’m so very excited about the possibilities for the future. We’ve had the opportunity to explore one of the many state parks here in Iowa and have decided to make it “our thing” as a family to explore a new one every chance we get. I’m excited that we are only 4.5 hours from our family in Milwaukee. We are so close to our brothers and sisters-in-law and are excited about watching their children grow up with ours and having our parents around to spoil their grandchildren. There are so many places to explore and possibilities relative to where we are geographically now. We are bordered by seven states so we’re 3 hours from friends in Minneapolis, 5 hours from Chicago, 4 hours from Omaha, 4 from Sioux Falls, 4 from Kansas City and 5 from St. Louis. There will be more to come as winter approaches and there are new things to discover so stay tuned.

I believe that God has brought us here for a purpose. For however long that is, I will embrace it. Who knows what the future holds. For now, I will enjoy the present, because it is a gift.

Is this heaven? No, this is the great state of Iowa! True Americana and I love it!